En 1944 se estrenó la película Gaslight dirigida por George Cukor y con la actuación de una de las grandes intérpretes de la historia Ingrid Bergman. La trama era sencilla: una pareja recién casada se muda a una casa vieja de Londres y empiezan a pasar cosas raras, como que los objetos se muevan de su lugar, las luces se prendan solas y sonidos extraños. Lo que en apariencia parece una película de terror con fantasmas, pronto se convierte en un thriller psicológico donde el esposo es el que hace todo eso para volver loco a su esposa.
Setenta años después esa película le ha puesto nombre a una de las prácticas más comunes en las relaciones tóxicas: El gaslighting. Se trata pues de un acoso psicológico y emocional de uno de los miembros de la relación hacia su pareja. La víctima es manipulada para que empiece a dudar de su propia percepción, sus recuerdos y su cordura. Uno de los grandes problemas de esta conducta es que es muy sutil y constante que la persona que es manipulada no se da cuenta.
Desde preguntas como “¿estás loco?” o “así no fue cómo pasó”, el que hace gaslighting va configurando una intrincada red de mentiras, dudas para tener el poder de la relación. Pero ¿cómo identificar cuando te están haciendo Gaslighting?
En su libro Gaslighting effect, la autora Robin Stern señala algunos puntos para que las personas se den cuenta si están siendo sometidas a este tipo de abuso:
- Te cuestionas tus ideas y acciones día a día. La duda ya está insertada en el interior de tu mente y empiezas a dudar de todas tus acciones y pensamientos.
- Pides disculpas a todos. Crees que todo lo haces mal y tienes la disculpa siempre en la punta de la lengua.
- Crees que eres exagerada y radicalmente sensible. Sientes que es tu culpa reaccionar de cierta forma ante las acciones de tu pareja y en vez de analizar qué es lo que él hace, te culpabilizas a ti.
- Constantemente justificas a tu pareja ante tus círculos sociales. Siempre encuentras la forma de justificar a tu pareja a los ojos de los demás. Así se crea una cámara de silencio donde tu pareja, por más tóxico/a que sea, siempre lo vas a exonerar de culpas.
- Te conviertes en una persona indecisa. Has perdido tu capacidad de decisión y dependes de tu pareja para tomar hasta la más mínima decisión.
- Baja autoestima. Crees que no te mereces lo bueno que te pasa en la vida.
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